The God Dilemma

God waited.

The Virus was the first to arrive.

Virus — Where’s everyone?

God — You are the first.

Virus — As always. Why is everybody else so tardy?

They hear a commotion. The Human, Tree & Animal enter, arguing loudly amongst themselves.

Tree — I never wanted to come. This Human uprooted me.

Animal (clenching his teeth) — That’s normal Human attitude. Don’t you know?

Human — Shut up, will you? You never learn how to behave.

Virus — Well, well, well. What do we have here? Why all this crowd? This is a personal matter between us & the Humans.

Human — We need all stakeholders.

Tree — Can we finish this quick? I can’t stay away for long.

God — The Martian is coming.

Virus — Oh God, what is all this? Why the Martian?

God — He heard about this meeting and wanted to come. I couldn’t refuse.

Human (smiling) — Good. I have long wanted to meet him.

Animal — The Martian is not as coy as us. Don’t ever think you can boss him around.

Human (in a sincere voice) — God willing…anything is possible.

Tree (whispering) — These Humans are crazy.

God — Now, now, order guys. I hear a strange whoosh. Is that the Martian?

The Martian steps out of a bubble which had floated inside.

Martian — Sorry I am late. My worm hole got stuck in time. Thanks God, for sending the bubble.

God — Ok guys, lets start. The Virus called for this meeting. Virus, go ahead

Virus — Thank you God. After a few millennia, we have got an upper hand now. We are forging ahead to the top of the food chain, thanks to the untiring efforts of Corona, one of our sub-species. We may soon be the masters of earth. Its now our turn to show what we are capable of. But the Humans are employing evil means to fight us. They are trying to wipe us out. Despite their diabolical ways, they don’t have much chance this time around. We have got our act together and are sure to win. God, we need your support…to ensure righteousness prevails.

God — Human, what do you say to that?

Human (laughing) — The Virus is dreaming. Of course, they can’t win. We are pulling out all the stops. The whole of earth has come to a standstill, but nothing can stop us. We are God’s favourite. Aren’t we, God?

Tree (shaking its branches) — As delusional as ever.

Animal (nodding) — I told you so.

God — Martian?

Martian — I have nothing against any of them. Just stop them from entering my world. Thank you.

Virus (smirking) — We are already there, thanks to Humans.

Martian (expressing shock) — What? When?

Human (snorting) — As usual, they would have piggy backed on what we sent.

Martian (his antennas vibrating in alarm) — We have been invaded. God, please help us.

Tree — That’s how it starts Martian. In small ways you don’t notice. Soon you are uprooted and cut down.

Animal — Or eaten, domesticated….or driven to extinction.

Human (snarling at the animal) — Who eats whom? Who started it? You chased us away from the forest.

Tree (looking sad) — We have been generous and kind. But look what’s befallen us. We are far fewer now. We were the lords once. Our days of glory are over.

Virus (snapping at the tree) — The Humans have used you to kill us. Its time both of you fade into the background. We are fine being alone. The Animals can stick around if they want to.

Human (shouting in anger) — Why keep the Animals? So you can spread more easily, far & wide? You must be ashamed. Fight someone better, like us.

Animal (snarling at the Human) — What do you think of us? We are wilder than you. We are just lying low. Our time will come.

Human — Ha ha, lets see.

The debate rages for a while.

God — Order, order. You guys disappoint me. Just a few of you. And you make the most noise.

Martian — God, just go back to zero. Start again.

Tree — Good idea.

Animal — I second that.

Virus — No way. We won’t support that. We are having a good run. Oh God, don’t spoil the fun.

Human — God will do nothing like that. He doesn’t play dice.

God (trying to intervene) — Hey guys, give me a break. Do I get a chance to speak?

Human — Thats the whole problem. You never speak.

Martian — He speaks often. But you guys don’t listen. We have been watching from Mars.

Tree — We are too busy fighting for survival.

Animal — I agree. So many of our species have vanished. We are a dwindling tribe.

Human — Is it not a war? Survival of the fittest? What do you say, God?

Virus — I agree. Its a bloody war.

Human — You are not God.

God — Order, order. This meeting is so unruly.

Human — Where are the rules?

Virus — Yea, no rules.

Martian — You guys are crazy.

God (wiping his face, bangs the table)

Silence

God — Good. Now, Virus, you want to thrive, don’t you?

Virus — Thrive and win.

God — Human, what about you?

Human — We also wanna thrive & win

Tree & Animal (in chorus) — We too.

Virus, Human, Tree & Animal trade barbs with each other.

God (calling out to the Martian) — You are silent. Don’t you want to add to the proceedings?

Martian — All this is too fearsome. I am sh..g in my pants. I want to go home.

God (rubbing his hands with glee) — Isn’t all this amusing?

Martian (shocked) — What?

God (smiling) — My creations have exceeded my expectations.

Martian — Are you playing games?

God — Why should I?

Martian — You just said you are amused.

God (glancing at the loud shouting match) — Just look at them. How clueless they are. They will learn

Martian — When?

God (winking) — God only knows.

Martian — I am dizzy.

God — Don’t be. Your world is different.

Martian (pointing to the other four) — But they want to come there. What do we do?

God — Bide your time. You will find a way.

Martian (angrily) — Can we obliterate them when they land?

God (chuckling) — Remember, Jupiter is snapping at your heels.

Martian (throwing up his hands) — Oh my God, you are incorrigible.

God (smiling) — I like what i do.

Martian (mumbling to himself) — And you do what you like.

God stands up. His towering presence quietens down everybody.

God (in a thundering voice) — I have heard all of you. I have decided on the best course of action.

They inch closer, eager to hear the pronouncement.

God (in a calm & steady voice) — I adjourn this meeting.

Poof !! Everyone’s back at their place.

Life goes on.

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