Seneca On Grief (Letter 63)

The wise man may feel a twinge when a friend has passed away, but he won’t grieve. The rest of us shouldn’t grieve excessively. We shouldn’t drown in weeping; we should cry, but not wail. We often want to show off our grief to others, to prove our sense of loss. Every feeling of loss will be eased soon, by time. Let us try to make the memory of those who are gone a pleasant one. Even the biting we may feel when we think of them can be bittersweet and welcome. Fortune gives, fortune takes. Let’s enjoy friends when we have them. Why be careless and grieve later when they are gone? Make many friends. Grief cannot continue very long even if we want to, so we should stop as soon as we can. Old grief only invites mockery. And rightly, for by then it is either stupid or feigned.

Seneca reminds us that birth order doesn’t determine our fates. Anyone can die at any age. We too will soon be going where the one we mourn has gone. Better we abandon grief before it abandons us.

How should we mourn? And how long?